| Wednesday, December 31 |
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2008 has come and gone. And what a year it has been. If someone is to ask me for a single word that describes the past year, the first word that comes to my mind would be "Loss". The loss of lives in the Si Chuan earthquake and recent Mumbai incident. The loss experienced in the financial markets. The loss…. On second thoughts, I settled on “Change” instead. At least that’s slightly less pessimistic. The word came about due to a phrase I’ve been using often recently and Sis agreed with me that the only constant in life is Change itself. [生命没有一种绝对。] 2008. A year of major changes and milestones in my life. Graduation was one. Stepping into the working society is another. Not to mention the recent spate of events. At every point of transition, I’ve learnt and grown from the experiences involved. Somehow, it feels as if I’ve gone through such a long journey that Bizad seems like a lifetime ago. Guess the past couple of months have been so overwhelming that I can’t seem to remember much about the rest of the year. Maybe just as well? For friends and close ones who've noticed the status change, pray spare me the "what happened-s" and "why-s". [For others who’ve noticed the change, don’t even bother. Because I won’t bother either.] Certain facts are just what they are. Facts. I doubt any question would bring about any change in the current state of affairs. I’m also weary. Weary of recollections and all. But thanks, thanks to all the darlings out there who have stood by me and given me their support in one way or another. Even when some had absolutely no idea what was going on, while others had serious doubts about my sanity and questioned my common sense. I could not have survived the emotional trauma (such a strong word) if not for them. Oh. Let me eat my own words. I guess there may just be one constant in life. Friendship. Over the years, I’ve learnt that there are people whom I can count on to share my happiest times and some of my lowest points in life. So here’s a tribute to my friends, in the last few moments of 2008 and as my gift for you guys and gals for the New Year, my heartfelt thanks and friendship. To Sis, Yahui, Amanda, Weihao, Sam, Linting, and Debra. Thank you. Thanks for lending me your ears, and for rushing to my side and truly making time for me when I desperately needed some advice and help in preventing me from screwing up my own life too badly. Where else am I able to find friends who would travel all the way down to the airport to dine and pep-talk me. I’m blessed to have you guys in my life. And dear dear Sam. How I miss you so. Thanks for the sweet Christmas card you sent and for your call. You wouldn’t know how much your call meant to me :) And of course, Amanda…when are you sharing Brandon with me? Lol. Sometimes it does scare me. There are close friends and there are boyfriends. Both are people whom I connect with on a deep level. In fact, the connection with the latter should be all that much deeper (may I say by default?) But. Sadly, when unforeseen circumstances happen, it’s the former that hangs around while the latter… Maybe there shouldn’t be any latter then. Maybe if I treasure a person enough to want him to stay around, then he should always remain as a close friend. 也许。 It’s actually past midnight as I continue drafting this entry. So here’s a happy 2009 to all. I used to make New Year resolutions but I no longer believe in them. Somehow, New Year to me is just a change in numbers. If one means to achieve his/her resolutions, would it really matter when the resolutions were made? Would the fact that the resolutions were made on 1st January XXXX bring about greater willpower and perseverance to oneself to achieve them? I have my reservations. Similarly, promises seldom hold much meaning to me. They are just words and words are cheap to come by. In fact, words are free. If one really means something, does it really matter whether he/she makes a declaration, “I promise *blabblab…”? Such words would only mean more hurt and heartbreak. Broken Promises. I may be more of a pessimist than I thought I am. Nice way to start the year. A poem I’ve kept for a long time since 2004. Yahui, this is dedicated to you. May you find strength in it as I once did. After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure you really are strong you really do have worth and you learn and you learn with every goodbye, you learn... Happy 2009 to one and all. May you find peace with yourself and those around you. May you find the courage to give love freely and the grace to receive that given. May you find the strength to forgive and seek forgiveness before it is too late to do so. May you find the perseverance to pursue your own dreams and to overcome the adversities thrown in your face. And may you find friendship that will last you through your life (as I’m truly blessed to). |